Yesterday I tuned into Hansard – via the ever-useful TheyWorkForYou.com – to read the maiden speech by new Lib Dem MP Stephen Gilbert. It was very good and you can read it too. All fine so far.

I made the mistake of carrying on reading. The next speaker was the Labour MP for Stirling, Anne McGuire. She began:

I congratulate all Members who have delivered their maiden speeches. I was going to say that my contribution would be an older maiden speech, but one of those adjectives would not quite be appropriate. I shall now launch forward while leaving Members to work out the meaning of that remark.

Please send the mind bleach.