I’ve been away helping with the local elections in Lewisham, currently in an internet cafe in Rushey Green. Full update in a day or two, but I can’t resist logging in to say we won!

The Lewisham Council LibDem group is now 17, up from 4 in 2002 and 7 last week (three of whom were gained in by-elections). Lee Green ward, where I was helping on polling day, now has three LibDem councillors; Blackheath also has three, including our mayoral candidate Chris Maines, unseating the Labour Deputy Mayor. Chris came a good second in the mayoral election, pushing the Tories into third. Councillor Dan has been joined by two more LibDems in Whitefoot, and Forest Hill was a clean sweep too. Thanks to the Greens taking two wards and the Tories picking up one seat, Labour no longer have a majority on the council – although they do retain the executive mayor, who can continuity to rule Lewisham like a king.

The full results are on the Lewisham Council website.

Here is a helpful web application for Labour ministers. Simply print out this post and cross out the choices as applicable. Then hand in at 10 Downing Street.

The Deputy Prime Minister/The Secretary of State
ODPM/DEFRA/The Home Office/Department of Health

27 April 2006

Dear Tony,

Over the last few days I have reflected on the recent situation. While I welcome your public support for me and have enjoyed my time at the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister/DEFRA/the Home Office/the Department of Health, I believe it is time I consider my position in the interests of the party.

I do, of course, take no blame for shagging my secretary/the hardship of farmers/the thousand foreign prisoners that should have been considered for deportation but weren’t/the current ruddy health of the NHS, but I realise that my continuing in post may have an adverse effect come the local elections on May 4. I hope that nothing here precludes me from returning to the Cabinet in June.

I trust that my departure will be seen by the press and the public as the end of the issue, even though my wife’s not happy/farmers still haven’t been paid/foreign ex-cons are still on the loose and planning to murder all the children/someone sacked all the nurses. I therefore regretfully tender my resignation as Deputy Prime Minister/Environment Secretary/Home Secretary/Health Secretary in order to spend more time with my wife/caravan/pies/superciliousness.

All best wishes,

John/Margaret/Charles/Pat

Every wondered what it would be like to meet everyone’s favourite Star Trek captain, Kate Mulgrew? No?? Lee had. Find out what happened when he found himself in a bar with her: Episode One / Episode Two.

Thought the kung fu monky monk monks in Tooth and Claw reminded you of something? Perhaps it was this.

Loved New Earth but weren’t too keen on the cast? Maybe you’ll like it more this time.

From theguardian, via Outpost Gallifrey, comes the sad news that BT are dropping Tom Baker as their landline text message voice, and thus spoiling the fun of literally tens of texters.

However, the moment has been prepared for:

The service, which allowed people to send messages from their mobile phones to landlines, to be enunciated in Baker’s classic deep voice, will be changed to include both male and female voices. A BT spokesman said it wanted to give people the opportunity to have their texts delivered to landlines by a voice of their own gender.

Short of a PledgeBank-organised mass protest outside BT’s HQ – or, possibly, petitioning them with lots of text messages to their landlines contact numbers – that’s that.