I really don’t like watching Question Time at all
But I have been challenged by Mr Stephen Tall
To follow in his footsteps and liveblog Question Time
And as it’s still Poetry Day, to do the thing in rhyme

At first I refused him, for I need to rest my eyes
But his silver tongue insisted, so I made a compromise
To liveblog for ten minutes, but then the deed is done
(But really, do not watch it – put on channel 301)

So here we go, the time has just gone ten thirty-five
Fingers at the keyboard, I’m coming to you live

This week we are in Bournemouth where the Tory party were
It’s the usual politicians – him and her and her and her
With the “apolitical” one with whom we’re supposed to sympathise
This week played by Hislop, with both satirical Eyes

The format is, as usual, as simple as can be
With questions from the audience, picked by David Dimbleby
The first one’s from a woman whose questioning entails
If Jack Straw was correct with his comments about veils

Hislop thinks it’s fine to ask; women need not comply
Shirley Williams is concerned that the idea might not fly
Sandra Howard is grinning and telling an anecdote
Presumably countering Oliver Letwin with a right-wing vote

Hazel Blears – oh dear, it’s her, I fear I cannot stand it –
Believes that asking is OK, but it would be awful if we banned it
Now David turns to the audience and a man who looks a Charlie
Chaplin, complete with a moustache, and sounds a little barmy
Letwin half-agrees, quotes Straw and calls himself a square
And says that women should put on the clothes they want to wear

A schoolgirl wants to know if that should apply to schools
A Muslim man says different Muslims follow different rules
Hislop is concerned that women can be pressured
Shirley thinks society is changing for the better

The next question is about when policemen are reassigned
With reference to the copper who was moved on safety lines
Blears was Police Minister and has doubts about the story
Hislop makes a funny and gets agreement from the Tory –
Letwin, not the other one, there are two on as I said
But I’ve been here for far too longer – I’m going off to bed.

A Sonnet on William Shakespeare by the Home Secretary

Macbeth the Thane had a vision of a thing
He asked: “Is this a dagger I see before me?”
Instead of murdering his way to be king
He should comply with our knife amnesty

Romeo and Juliet on each other were quite keen
He took his own life drinking poison from a vial
Young Juliet was not yet aged fourteen
So good riddance to the paedophile

I have a plan to beat Gordon Brown
The Winter’s Tale has given me a lead
I’ll ride the Chancellor out of this town
“Exit, pursued by John Reid”

Was Shakespeare or Marlowe or another the Bard?
We would know if he’d had an identity card

As today is National Poetry time
All my posts will be written in rhyme
Or at least semi-rhyming with a variable meter,
With one proper poem being posted up here later.

The Knock

Knock! Knock! Knock! on the front door of my flat
I woke up with a start thinking “Who the hell is that?”
Outside it was dark so I had something of a fright
I’d not before been knocked up in the middle of the night

The rapping was persistent so I got something to wear
And peered out through the spyhole to spy out who was there
I saw two burly polis from the Central Scotland belt
At least my dressing gown lacked a collar to be felt

I greeted them and listened, frown etched upon my face
As they told me they’d been called about a ruckus at my place
It was half an hour to midnight I gleaned from the one less burlier
I explained that I’d been sleeping for the sixty minutes earlier

They checked the address from the call that they’d received
And although it surely was mine, they rightly both believed
That there had been no disturbance and still, standing in the hall,
They checked the caller’s number; I hadn’t made the call

All of us were puzzled but prepared to leave it there
We said polite goodnights and they headed down the stair
My early night disrupted, I headed back to bed
With plots, pranks and conspiracies whirling through my head
Relieved that I hadn’t been served with some indictment
But struggling to get to sleep after the excitement

It’s time for another blogmeet up here in the land of the Scots. Gordon has once again done all the hard work and found us a place to drink meet: the bar of the Radisson Hotel in central Glasgow (we’re avoiding the pubs because Glasgow Scotland are playing at the football). Gordon will be there from a bit before 2pm and I’ll probably get there not long after, but feel free to come along in the evening if you’re busy in the afternoon. Full details are at Scottish Blogs.

I will be setting the video for Robin Hood and crossing my fingers that it doesn’t chew the tape, as has become its wont.