As more and more clapped out old Tories reveal the swivel of their eyes, I’ve decided to help the UKIP strategists (well, Max Clifford) by knocking up this list of the great and the loon who they could try to persuade to defect. The higher up the list, the bigger the news story.

10. Teresa Gorman
9. Ian Paisley
8. Lord Archer
7. Iain Duncan Smith
6. Lord Lucan
5. Nick Griffin
4. Ronald Reagan
3. Neville Chamberlain
2. Oliver Cromwell
1. Margaret Thatcher

(And if they can get the first seven on board, raising the top three from the dead should prove no problem.)

(Update: Make that the top four.)